Tag Archive for NLP

Family Constellations-Notice Your Pattern

 

 

What do you do next?

In this Youtube video, Meta Lackland gives 3 tips to manage the emotions when you discover you have a pattern running in your life that keeps you stuck.

The dictionary defines a pattern as A plan, diagram, or model to be followed.  Think of your pattern as your subconscious plan to give you relief in the only way it may know how.

In life we can discover that our patterns are related to how we spend money, how we relate to our partners, how we raise our children, how we spend time at work.  Patterns run the gambit of avoidance, confrontation, freeze, overindulgence, etc.  We develop them in relation to the rewards and stresses in life.

We all have them.  How can we make peace with them?

 

 

 

Ancestor Support for Stressful Times Audio

 

This month my good friend asked me a question.  How can constellation work give us strength when there is so much chaos in the world?

I was reflecting on this with the knowledge that throughout history there have been stressful times.  Through our ancestor lineage there are many who came before us who survived, had strength and persevered.

Download this month’s ancestor support audio.
Connect to the strength that has always been a part of you.

 

How to Get Back on Track in Life

Life has a funny way of taking us on detours.  We believe we are on track, engaging in business, doing great in our job, we settle into our normal routine of life.

Then in a day everything changes.  You receive a phone call.  You learn a loved one is seriously ill.  One day your pet dies.  You wake up to find someone has busted your car window.  Some detours are small and take a short amount of time to get back on track.  A few hours or a day.  Other detours are life changing and can change the course of who you are.

When the detours happen how can you get back on track?  

Here are a few tips that can help.

Recognize that this too shall pass-If you are dealing with any kind of loss (money, family, friends) there is a period of time of grief.  That period of time is different for everyone.  Time does heal the wounds.  There will be moments when the pain lessens, a moment where you begin to focus more outward, less inward.  Give yourself time to experience the emotions.  Try not to make yourself wrong if you are not on your A game and are not doing the things you normally do.  Sadness, anger, frustration, all of these emotions cloud our ability to think clearly and to take action.

What helps you feel good- Is it your yoga practice?  Your silent meditation in the morning?  A cup of tea with a friend?  A walk?  A favorite blog?  Your book group?  Happy hour?  Music?  Everyone’s oasis is different.  People tend to forget what helps them feel better in times of stress. Once a day, for 10 minutes a day, do something specific for you.  Choose a time, early in the morning or late in the evening where you are certain to not be interrupted.

Consider Life’s Pause Button-One thing I hear from my clients is the frustration of having to put their life on hold when these things happen.  They feel irritated at themselves for not keeping up with their classes, their businesses, their career, their health.  Consider this stressful time a place where you press the pause button on your project.  It isn’t going anywhere.  We sometimes judge ourselves harshly for not getting it all done.  Each one of us only has 24 hours in a day.  In times of stress, the number one priority becomes You. 

When you are ready to jump in again unpause the button.

In the meantime when you are in the in-between space of feeling normal and feeling stress…

1). Reach out to friends and colleagues who are doing the things you want to do.  Say hello.

2). Stay connected to your project with blog articles, videos, websites.  Choose how much or how little is right for you. 

3).  Connect with your support team.  Your life coach, a mentor, a friend, minister, teacher, counselor, therapist, nutritionist, massage therapist, etc.  These individuals can help support you through the stressful times and lessen the amount of time you spend there.

trail (3)

 

Family Constellations-How to recover from a visit with the family after the holidays

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The holidays, the time of year where we eagerly travel to see our loved ones. Some people travel only a few miles. Some individuals travel several thousand miles. We seek the company of those who we belong to. People we shared our journey from childhood to adulthood. There are moments these same loved ones can say something simple and trigger a whole host of emotions-irritation, anger, frustration, exasperation, sadness…to list a few. You thought you were playing a simple game of scrabble. Then something else happened.

How do you recover from this? You arrive home. Back in your sanctuary and the feelings linger. Maybe you find the more you think about it the more the feelings grow. What you really seek is to let it go, for peace and calm.

Here is a simple exercise to gain a new point of view.

Three Chair Perspective. You will need three chairs, space to set them up about a few feet apart. Set two chairs facing one another. Set the third chair a few feet out to the side, distance directly in the middle of chair 1 and chair 2.

It should look like the below diagram.

Use this Chair picture

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The 1st Chair-This is your point of view.
The 2nd Chair-This is the point of view of your family member that you are having the strong emotions with.
The 3rd Chair-The meta position. The objective 3rd party that can see both sides of the story.

1st Chair
Sit in the first chair and experience the situation through your own perspective. What are you experiencing? Feeling, thinking, hearing? What is your body posture like? Can you look over at the 2nd chair? As you look across to the second chair, in your mind’s eye, see the family member you are having the strong emotion about.

Now step out of the 1st chair. Leave your perspective in the chair 1 and walk over and sit in the 2nd chair.

2nd Chair
As you sit in the 2nd chair, step into the point of view of your family member. In your mind’s eye see yourself (Chair 1) sitting across from Chair 2. What is it like for this family member to look at you? What are they feeling? What are they seeing? You can speak out loud as if you were this family member.

Now step out of the 2nd chair. Leave the family member perspective behind and sit in the 3rd chair.

3rd Chair
As you sit in this chair-observe both “people” in the other chairs. Notice how these individuals relate to one another and to the situation. What can you see that the other two people cannot? What would you want the two of them to know?

Now step out of the 3rd chair. Go sit in the Chair 1.
What is your perspective now? Has your point of view changed?

This exercise is a fantastic way to see a new perspective, to say words that need to be said and to fix disagreements you may have experienced. Notice that the feelings change when you see things from a different point of view.

Consciously Create 2014 and Let Go of 2013

 

The New Year is upon us.  It is the time where 2013 has come to her end. All of her offerings given.  Our triumphs, our sorrows, our victories, our defeats.  All moments have value.

As you step into 2014, what are you ready to let go of?  Let go with the dignity and respect for what it had to offer?

Can you say Thank you?  Without you, I wouldn’t be who I am today.

For those of you out there that experienced extreme heartache in 2013, maybe you can’t feel the Thank you.  That’s okay.  A simple acknowledgement can move mountains.  Acknowledgement that you are angry at the year, or sad at the year.

As the year unfolds, she shows us who we are.  How we react to life.  What we enjoy.  What we do not like.  We do not need to embrace everything.  A simple Thank You acknowledgement for the value offered is enough.

As we step into the New Year-2014, a new unfolding, what would you like?

What do you want to experience?

If your mind goes straight to “I don’t want experience that again!”  Ask yourself what would you like to experience?  How do you want to feel?  What do you want to see?  What does your vision sound like?

Conscious creation is a dance between noticing the Do Not Want and the return to what would I like.

The do not want usually sounds anguished with deep emotion.

Can you put equal emphasis on What would I like!

Take a moment to write it down.  Share your vision with trusted loved ones.  Read it out loud.  It’s magical to share.  Have a fulfilling New Year!

2014