Archive for Family

Ancestor Support for Stressful Times Audio

 

This month my good friend asked me a question.  How can constellation work give us strength when there is so much chaos in the world?

I was reflecting on this with the knowledge that throughout history there have been stressful times.  Through our ancestor lineage there are many who came before us who survived, had strength and persevered.

Download this month’s ancestor support audio.
Connect to the strength that has always been a part of you.

 

Family Constellations- Family Dinner Visualization

In this Youtube video-I share the family dinner visualization.
This visualization illustrates how we relate to money and abundance in our life.  The purpose of the exercise is to notice what type of emotions come up as you sit at the table with your family.

Where in life are you experiencing similar emotions?

How to Get Back on Track in Life

Life has a funny way of taking us on detours.  We believe we are on track, engaging in business, doing great in our job, we settle into our normal routine of life.

Then in a day everything changes.  You receive a phone call.  You learn a loved one is seriously ill.  One day your pet dies.  You wake up to find someone has busted your car window.  Some detours are small and take a short amount of time to get back on track.  A few hours or a day.  Other detours are life changing and can change the course of who you are.

When the detours happen how can you get back on track?  

Here are a few tips that can help.

Recognize that this too shall pass-If you are dealing with any kind of loss (money, family, friends) there is a period of time of grief.  That period of time is different for everyone.  Time does heal the wounds.  There will be moments when the pain lessens, a moment where you begin to focus more outward, less inward.  Give yourself time to experience the emotions.  Try not to make yourself wrong if you are not on your A game and are not doing the things you normally do.  Sadness, anger, frustration, all of these emotions cloud our ability to think clearly and to take action.

What helps you feel good- Is it your yoga practice?  Your silent meditation in the morning?  A cup of tea with a friend?  A walk?  A favorite blog?  Your book group?  Happy hour?  Music?  Everyone’s oasis is different.  People tend to forget what helps them feel better in times of stress. Once a day, for 10 minutes a day, do something specific for you.  Choose a time, early in the morning or late in the evening where you are certain to not be interrupted.

Consider Life’s Pause Button-One thing I hear from my clients is the frustration of having to put their life on hold when these things happen.  They feel irritated at themselves for not keeping up with their classes, their businesses, their career, their health.  Consider this stressful time a place where you press the pause button on your project.  It isn’t going anywhere.  We sometimes judge ourselves harshly for not getting it all done.  Each one of us only has 24 hours in a day.  In times of stress, the number one priority becomes You. 

When you are ready to jump in again unpause the button.

In the meantime when you are in the in-between space of feeling normal and feeling stress…

1). Reach out to friends and colleagues who are doing the things you want to do.  Say hello.

2). Stay connected to your project with blog articles, videos, websites.  Choose how much or how little is right for you. 

3).  Connect with your support team.  Your life coach, a mentor, a friend, minister, teacher, counselor, therapist, nutritionist, massage therapist, etc.  These individuals can help support you through the stressful times and lessen the amount of time you spend there.

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Family Constellations-How to recover from a visit with the family after the holidays

SONY DSC

The holidays, the time of year where we eagerly travel to see our loved ones. Some people travel only a few miles. Some individuals travel several thousand miles. We seek the company of those who we belong to. People we shared our journey from childhood to adulthood. There are moments these same loved ones can say something simple and trigger a whole host of emotions-irritation, anger, frustration, exasperation, sadness…to list a few. You thought you were playing a simple game of scrabble. Then something else happened.

How do you recover from this? You arrive home. Back in your sanctuary and the feelings linger. Maybe you find the more you think about it the more the feelings grow. What you really seek is to let it go, for peace and calm.

Here is a simple exercise to gain a new point of view.

Three Chair Perspective. You will need three chairs, space to set them up about a few feet apart. Set two chairs facing one another. Set the third chair a few feet out to the side, distance directly in the middle of chair 1 and chair 2.

It should look like the below diagram.

Use this Chair picture

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The 1st Chair-This is your point of view.
The 2nd Chair-This is the point of view of your family member that you are having the strong emotions with.
The 3rd Chair-The meta position. The objective 3rd party that can see both sides of the story.

1st Chair
Sit in the first chair and experience the situation through your own perspective. What are you experiencing? Feeling, thinking, hearing? What is your body posture like? Can you look over at the 2nd chair? As you look across to the second chair, in your mind’s eye, see the family member you are having the strong emotion about.

Now step out of the 1st chair. Leave your perspective in the chair 1 and walk over and sit in the 2nd chair.

2nd Chair
As you sit in the 2nd chair, step into the point of view of your family member. In your mind’s eye see yourself (Chair 1) sitting across from Chair 2. What is it like for this family member to look at you? What are they feeling? What are they seeing? You can speak out loud as if you were this family member.

Now step out of the 2nd chair. Leave the family member perspective behind and sit in the 3rd chair.

3rd Chair
As you sit in this chair-observe both “people” in the other chairs. Notice how these individuals relate to one another and to the situation. What can you see that the other two people cannot? What would you want the two of them to know?

Now step out of the 3rd chair. Go sit in the Chair 1.
What is your perspective now? Has your point of view changed?

This exercise is a fantastic way to see a new perspective, to say words that need to be said and to fix disagreements you may have experienced. Notice that the feelings change when you see things from a different point of view.

Family Constellations-How do we learn more about family history?

Heart shaped splash

In Constellation work there is a belief that all that happens in a family is an expression of love.   Though the actual actions in life may be dysfunctional, harmful, painful, and devastating, it may be a way for family members to belong to another.  Or a way to show acknowledgement of something tragic that happened in the past.

If we contemplate our parents, our grandparents, our great grandparents lifetimes, you may notice they went through a lot.  There have been several generations that left their families and moved across the ocean to America.  There have been members of families that went off to war and witnessed actions so horrible it incomprehensible to the human spirit.  Not so long ago, it was common for babies to die young.  When we contemplate these realities, perhaps a place of compassion can come to us for what they experienced.

We can never undue the past for our family.  The best thing we can do as young ones in our family is honor the dignity of the fates of those who came before us.  It is not our job to fix what happened for them.  The truth is, what happened in the past is the past.  If you are recreating it, this is not fixing it and can cause even greater stress in your life.

There are simple actions you can take to begin the journey of transforming the  dynamics of your family system.

  • Talk to family members about where your family came from.  Were there any children that died young?  Do you have aunts and uncles that went off to war? Are there generations that married multiple times.  Look for common repeating patterns.  Older generations generally like to talk about their parents and what life was like for them.
  • Find the genealogy buff in your family.  My sister is one. She has been a great source of information about my family.  There many websites, such as ancestry.com that can help you get started on learning more about previous generations in your family.
  • Email me.  I have simple short checklist that identifies certain events as  triggers for entanglements.  My email is meta@coachingbymeta.com.  Send an email in the subject line Triggers for Entanglements.

In the upcoming months I will discuss more about the triggering events and the power of healing words.