In Constellation work there is a belief that all that happens in a family is an expression of love. Though the actual actions in life may be dysfunctional, harmful, painful, and devastating, it may be a way for family members to belong to another. Or a way to show acknowledgement of something tragic that happened in the past.
If we contemplate our parents, our grandparents, our great grandparents lifetimes, you may notice they went through a lot. There have been several generations that left their families and moved across the ocean to America. There have been members of families that went off to war and witnessed actions so horrible it incomprehensible to the human spirit. Not so long ago, it was common for babies to die young. When we contemplate these realities, perhaps a place of compassion can come to us for what they experienced.
We can never undue the past for our family. The best thing we can do as young ones in our family is honor the dignity of the fates of those who came before us. It is not our job to fix what happened for them. The truth is, what happened in the past is the past. If you are recreating it, this is not fixing it and can cause even greater stress in your life.
There are simple actions you can take to begin the journey of transforming the dynamics of your family system.
- Talk to family members about where your family came from. Were there any children that died young? Do you have aunts and uncles that went off to war? Are there generations that married multiple times. Look for common repeating patterns. Older generations generally like to talk about their parents and what life was like for them.
- Find the genealogy buff in your family. My sister is one. She has been a great source of information about my family. There many websites, such as ancestry.com that can help you get started on learning more about previous generations in your family.
- Email me. I have simple short checklist that identifies certain events as triggers for entanglements. My email is email@example.com. Send an email in the subject line Triggers for Entanglements.
In the upcoming months I will discuss more about the triggering events and the power of healing words.