The being right conversation. I see this come up all the time in the workplace. I notice it within myself and others. When it happens and all parties involved in the conversation are invested, INVESTED in being right, communication goes out the door. I notice this is the place that dredges up much frustration, irritation, exasperation within me and others. Being trained as a life coach, I can see that underneath being right are values that both parties have. Though I know this, I see within myself that I sometimes I love being right. I like collecting evidence that I’m right. But is it serving me and what I’m up to in the world?
What is costing us to be right? Does it bring about great communication, connection, cooperation with others? Can we see possibilities when we are so invested in being right?
Being right is a place of rigidity and noise. Have you ever noticed when two people are having a conversation and both are invested in “being right?” Forget conversation. Instead of two people having a conversation, it’s really 4 people all talking at once. Four people: one person and their internal dialogue and the second person and their internal dialogue, each firing off comments.
This last week, I was drawn into several of these conversations. With the support of some great coaches I was able to see what I was really fired up about. When you in “it” (I mean “it” as the firing off of all the emotional chemistry in your body), physiologically you don’t have access to logical thinking. This is a great reason to walk away from conversations when you can see that they are heading towards the great implosion/explosion. There is a piece when you’re in “it” or right before “it” happens that you can see it coming. Last Thursday I really wanted to have a conversation with someone I worked with. It didn’t happen. I was frustrated and yet it was perfect. I worked through what really had bothered me before met on Monday. When we met on Monday I clearly stated what was going on for me. This was without making her wrong and without me carrying the heavy emotion of “being right.”
For myself last week I realized I was out of integrity with me. It had to do with a request someone had made of me and I wasn’t comfortable with it. I didn’t see perceive there was space for my input. I was partially irritated because I didn’t speak up at the time. I was mad at them for making the request, and irritated at myself a little bit for not speaking up.
So what did I do? I worked through what was frustrating me before I returned to the conversation.
If you notice you are being drawn into a “being right” conversation, do some investigating. I invite you to get to the root of what is frustrating you. Why is it important for you to be right? What is it that is so important to you that you have to be right? Communicate that!