A Beginning

 

My first blog post.  I’m feeling vulnerable right now, sharing what is inside of my head.  Lots of people blog everyday.  I’m happy to read a few of them.  Having one of my own: eh, this is moving into unfamiliar territory.  Sharing my experiences, wondering if you, the reader will relate.  It is the realm of being seen, of being heard and self expression.

I could write about how I loved to write in high school.  I wrote poems, short stories, goofy pieces of involving my classmates, boyfriends and myself.  In the first grade I wrote a series of stories: “Moose and Chair”. In grade school, I presented my short stories at a writing conference. Then, something happened.  In college, I had a nasty professor. Yes, I realize I’m labeling. His critiques were so scathing that I couldn’t handle creating my stories or sharing my stories with others.  I watched as my work was eviscerated before my very eyes.  So, I set my creative self aside, subconsciously determined not to let others hurt what I considered sacred. It is interesting how it wasn’t something I consciously, intentionally chose to do, not to create.  I simply chose to do other things in the non-creative realm.

Years later I would write again.  Short stories, literally written backwards.  That way if anyone ever ran across them, it would take them awhile to figure out how to read them.  This is a fairly elaborate way to be sure that no one ever read my writing.  No one could possibly critique me then!

Perhaps you can relate?  Have you ever created something with your heart and soul  or had an idea or insight that rocked your world?  Something that you were so excited to share with others?  Then, when you shared your idea, someone did not give it consideration or maybe even trashed it.  Maybe they did not understand that this creation came from your essence.  Your sacred art, your love, your dream, was crushed right before your eyes.  It can be a very painful thing to experience.  Sometimes so much so that we hide away the love, the potential vulnerability, so that we do not have to experience the pain again.

Days pass, Months pass, Years pass.  You notice a spark is missing.  You move through the motions and yet, you know in your essence something is missing!  How many of us have locked away our passions?

The funny thing is this piece you loved, your passion, your dream, your creation; it lives inside you still.  Though there may be pain from having someone shoot you down or you may still notice the sting of criticism about something you created, it is still your dream, your passion, your vision.  It’s your point of view!

What do I want to share from this experience?  As I write, I can feel sensations inside me, mostly my gut.  I’m excited to see the words emerge in front of me.  At first there was the gut twisting, “What will they think of me?” thought.  That is the past pain pattern that I’m letting go as I write.  As my teacher, David Ross, always says, it is none of my business what other people think of me anyways.  As I feel the trueness of those words, it frees me to be myself in my writing.

It is natural to want to share that which you love with others.  If it brings joy to you, sometimes it is easy to think that it may bring joy to others.

If you have had a vision or something you treasure that you buried away, I invite you to take a look at it.  How did you feel when you originally found it, this insight, this creativity?  When was a time in your life when you felt alive?  What were you doing?

I felt alive, funny and very daring when I wrote my short stories.  So much so, I was excited to see what others had to say.

If you have had a teacher, a parent, a sibling or a friend at some point in your life who wasn’t supportive concerning your sacred art, send them love.  Keep creating!  Keep doing!  Keep connecting!  Be persistent!  There are others out there that will get your point of view.  Sometimes, the support may not come from the people we are closest to.  Sometimes it is.

Oh and your sacred art?  It could be anything.  Writing, hiking, jogging, painting, video gaming, thinking, exploring, talking. What makes it sacred is how you feel when you connect with it. It is BEING ALIVE!

In the past you may have experienced disappointment.  Take the time to mourn the disappointment.   Cry!  Beat some pillows!  Let it out!  Can you release the pain?

If it has been awhile since you have disconnected from your passion, you may find a subtle resistance when you pick it back up.  Let the critical thoughts go.  There was a reason you enjoyed it in the first place.  What was it?

Believe in Your Dream!

I believe in it.

Can you?


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *